Be grateful

During my metamorphosis, I came to realize something about life. And that is that it's BEAUTIFUL. But I'm talking about life. People. Nature. Art. Music. God's creations. Most definitely not grades and pay raises.

It makes me so sad to see people who think that the only thing that matters is their grades, because that is absolutely not true. A GPA does not define your worth. As much as people say that they understand this, I don't know if they actually do. They continue to strive for good grades for the sake of good grades. Not for discipline or self mastery or because they love learning, but because they want that piece of paper that says "I'm good enough". My opinion is who gives a crap whether you have a PhD or a GED? That's not what I care about. There's a human being behind that piece of paper.

Nobody should be judged by what combination of letters represents them in the "real" world. I mean really, it's just some initials representing the kind of degree you earned. Now, of course, I see the value in an education. But what matters is your intentions. Do you actually want to go to school because you want to learn? Or do you want to go to school because if you work hard enough your parents will think you're worth something? Some people go to medical school because there's money in being a doctor. Do all of the people going through medical school actually want to help people with the knowledge they are gaining? Or do they do it because their parents want them to? These are the kinds of questions I would ask a new college student. Go after something you love, because if you don't, you are wasting a lot of time. "Men are that they might have joy." Hear that? We were born to be happy. We were not born for a 4.0.

Our systems make me crazy. It's all that most people see, yet it's completely invisible. It's the idea that you MUST get good grades to be worth something to anyone. It's the idea that to live, you MUST get good enough grades to get a job. It's the idea that you MUST be valuable to a company because you have an impressive resume. Of course I also get the fact that we need to provide for ourselves and our families, but what good does it do if you're only surviving an only half bad life? What ever happened to the world that we live in? What happened that made people forget that there are people to meet and new things to experience?

When I went against the social norm and took a step back, I realized how grateful I am for the beauty I am surrounded by. We are all surrounded by it. Physically, we all see it. But do we appreciate it? I guess what this all comes down to is gratitude. If people could be grateful for the wonderful lives we have in this rotten country, maybe they'd be happy. And it's not hard at all - people say that happiness isn't an overnight thing, but it definitely can be. Your circumstances don't have to change even an ounce - it's your perspective. If you just look around and take a second to be thankful that you have simple things like shade and air conditioning, you'll be much happier. I promise, it's like magic. It changed my aunt's life. She was a pretty depressed person, and when she started being grateful for everything, she was on cloud nine. 

It seems that everyone in the world lives inside the box. When I imagine "the box" and the system that we all follow, I see everyone living in big, gray corporate buildings. They sit in cubicles while the people in control have their offices with mahogany desks and potted plants and leather chairs. Meanwhile, I'm outside, laying in the grass and staring at the sky because it's beautiful and it's there. The corporate buildings are very real for some people, but the metaphorical buildings are not real. The metaphorical buildings are the state of mind that people have. You aren't trapped in them. People metaphorically walk in all by themselves, and teach their children to do the same. It's become our culture. Nobody knows any better. 

The metaphorical corporate buildings might not be real, but the sky is real. The way that plants provide your very breath is real. Everyone should take a minute to hug a tree. I mean it. Hug a freaking tree. They are very nice to you, you know, providing oxygen for you and everything. There is nothing wrong with being close to nature. Nature is God's most raw, pure creation. It lives without corruption and continues to serve this ungrateful human race without questioning.

For some reason we often forget God and always remember that we need to get good grades. School is not about grades, people! IT'S ABOUT LEARNING. Our school system is designed so that we remember facts long enough to check the right box on the test. Real educators try to teach lessons that matter. I had a teacher that was like that. My english teacher. Best teacher I've ever had. She taught us so much more than vocabulary words. I wish there were more teachers like her. 

We are doing it wrong. I'm sure many will disagree on this point, as I have experienced before. I know a lot of pro-public school people, and they seem to only understand school. Again, that breaks my heart. A huge portion of peoples' lives are wasted when they only seek for credibility. I beg them to understand how wonderful life is when you take a minute to appreciate it, all obligations aside.

Why don't you do that - take a minute (however long you want a minute to be) and stop caring about what you have to do tomorrow. Stop worrying about what's due. Stop worrying about work or school. Just stop for a second or two.  And have a conversation with someone. Learn something new. Go outside and breathe. Look at the sky and appreciate the fact that the sky always changes, providing a beautiful picture for you every day. Then realize that we live surrounded by beauty. Then smile, because you know that there is so much more to enjoy than you ever thought before. 

My (fairy) grandmother

My grandma is the freaking best. Seriously. I believe that there is not a single grandma in the whole world that is better than my grandma. She is my real hero. I have heroes like J.K. Rowling, Captain America, Jeffrey R Holland, Steven Moffat, you know. But she has always been and always will be my real hero. 

She never stops being good. And there is a real difference between being good and being great or wonderful or amazing, or any other synonyms that you can think of. Being good is having goodness inside you. You can do great things and have the reputation of being great, but to actually be good in your core where nobody can see it is what really matters. 

"Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew..." - Dobby, to Harry in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. 

That quote has always been extremely profound to me. My aunt mentored me when I was young, and we discussed the Harry Potter books a lot. We talked about this line, and ever since then, it has been important that I be not only great, but good. Before then, it never occurred to me that goodness could be better and more important than greatness. Goodness is a quality that I search for in people. It's rare these days, and it is worth so much. This is why my grandma is an absolute gem. 

Let me tell you why my grandma is so good:

1. She has been taking care of her parents for as long as I have been alive, and most likely a lot longer than that. She has her 94 year old mother living with her now, and she is so happy to have her there. Of course nobody would allow my great grandmother to live alone, but my grandma took it on with such grace and kindness. 

2. She is the humblest human being I've ever met. I mean real humility. People mistake low self confidence for humility all the time. But she has real humility. Her life consists of endless service. She never stops serving, because she doesn't see it as serving. She sees it as what she ought to do as a human being with the ability to serve. She just does it. 

3. She is the most thoughtful person ever. This kinda goes with the service thing, but she never stops thinking about what she can do to make other people's lives easier. But it's totally natural. She just does it without thinking about the fact that she doesn't have to. 

4. If she's not serving, she's studying the scriptures or something equally as profound. Her head is filled with deep and inspiring thoughts. She always knows what's important, and she pays attention to those things. 

5. She's always trying to become a better person (as if that's even possible). She just keeps trying to be better. I'm fairly certain that there are VERY few moments when she's putting energy into something that won't better herself, serve someone else, or make her or someone else happy. 

6. She is FUNNY. Not like standup funny, but if you just sit and observe her, she is hilarious to watch. She is absolutely adorable. She's never too serious. She'll be working on something, and she will make a funny face or sing to herself as if nobody is there. She is one of my favorite people to simply be in the same room with. 

7. She can whistle like a freakin dream. The only person I've ever heard whistle as good as her in real life is my step dad. She will often whistle songs from various musicals while she works. Usually it's Les Mis or a hymn. 

8. She loves the hymns and whistles and sings them all the time. One of my favorite moments that I witnessed of hers was when we were in Vegas with some family over general conference. We were working on packing up and leaving while listening to it. She had her earbuds in while she was doing dishes, and the choir was singing "High On A Mountain Top". She forgot she was wearing earbuds and just belted the hymn. When she noticed me giggling she realized she was singing a song that we couldn't hear. She laughed and said a surprised "oh" at the same time. It was absolutely adorable. 

9. Speaking of conference, one of my favorite things about her is how much she LOVES General Conference. Whenever it comes along, it's blasting as loud as possible on any device capable of playing it. General Conference at my grandparent's house is one of my favorite times of the year. 

10. She is the queen of bacon. Seriously she is the best at making bacon. It's magical. I'm convinced that she is a fairy. Or an angel or something. 

11. Her testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have never met another woman with a stronger testimony. It makes me love the church with all my heart. She is always strengthening her testimony, and I love seeing her reading the scriptures or studying doctrine. She gets so into it. She focuses on the only thing that matters in the world, and tolerates interruptions very well. Her room has the greatest feel about it. It's my favorite part of her house. It's where my grandma learns and prays and ponders because she wants to. She doesn't do it to get attention. She loves it so much, and knows how important it is to keep learning. She is just overflowing with love for the gospel. 

Bonus reason: she has created and shaped the most amazing family in the world. We are all best friends. We love each other to death, and we never fight. It sounds like a fairy tale when I describe it to people. We never fight. Ever. We laugh, we play, we talk, we work, and we love. I don't know if there is another family who can say that they love each other enough to never fight. I won the lottery of families. I can't wait for eternity with them. 

This is my grandma. Would you just look at this picture? I mean REALLY. HOW ADORABLY HILARIOUS IS THAT. My grandma is the best. I can't believe I have her. It's pretty cool. 

BUT SERIOUSLY LOOKIT HER FACE. My grandma is so cool. She can have fun. That's cool. It looks like she's playing with a grandchild or something here. Freaking love her to death. 

Caterpillars, cocoons, butterflies, and my hair.

Well, I'm an idiot. I should be posting a lot more. I should be at least writing, if not posting. I know I love to write and I know it's good for me. Why don't I do it? Because it's hard? I don't think so. I love to do it. Because I don't have time? Well that's a dumb excuse. I have plenty of time. I think this is very similar to reading my scriptures. I know it's good for me, I know it makes me happier, yet I never keep up the habit of doing it. Oh well. I'm writing now. 

Most of you should know by now that I chopped off my hair. Almost all of it. It was an insane decision for me to make, because those who know me well know that I loved my hair. I took very good care of it. It was always baby soft and it hardly ever tangled. It was the stuff of fairy tales, I tell you. 

So why did I chop it off? Because I forgot that there was a human being underneath it. And I look way better with short hair. But more the human being thing. 

I depended on my hair to feel pretty. It was my distinguishing feature. It was the thing that people noticed. People would look at me and say "wow, your hair is so long!" And then they would feel it and be mesmerized by it. I felt so special because of it, and I was so afraid that I wouldn't be special or noticed without it. (And the fact that I was afraid of losing it was the biggest sign that it needed to go) 

I thought it said something about me, but it did no such thing. I mean, sure, it was gorgeous hair, and I made sure it always was. But it said absolutely nothing about the person behind it. 

I also really needed the change. I've been going through somewhat of a transformation or a metamorphosis, you might say. I feel like a caterpillar. I had to take some time to be in my cocoon, (which was some time off from everything to consider my life and discover myself) and some people didn't like that. Some people told me "you can't do that in the real world". Well, guess what, folks? I just did. And I'm a freaking butterfly now, for crying out loud. 

Cutting my hair was a part of that. My hair was part of my life when I was growing up. When I was a different person. Since most everything else about me changed and developed, the hair was the only thing left from that other person. Once I got rid of it, I completed my transformation. Now I feel different, act different, think different, and even look different. It's wonderful, isn't it? Life is good. 

Also, would you just look at this cat? 

I love it more than anything right now. Well that's not true. I like my family quite a bit and I am enjoying Doctor Who a whole lot. But seriously it's one of my favorite things. For some reason, seeing a black and white picture of a cat standing on its hind legs like a penguin or a person for a portrait makes me so happy I can't even begin to tell you. I laugh every time I see it. I mean loon at it! As;lsksfjdk IT'S SO CUTE. Normally I'm not a sucker for cute pictures of cats. But when it's in this style, I can't handle it. Anyway. Have a nice day.